Fetish Counseling by Goddess Bella Donna

Most of us get attracted to a particular fetish or BDSM via something that has aroused them and sparked their interest and it usually quickly develops into a large collection of fantasy based knowledge about it. Why fantasy based knowledge? Because that is what is mostly available to you on the internet, in Porn Movies, books etc. That is where most of you get your start at and boy isn’t it ever so exciting.

The problem with that arises when you are trying to go about duplicating some of the things you read and see. For some reason people don’t seem to realize that a lot of the porn is staged and illusionary. A lot of the fictional stories written are no holds barred and do not involve any sort of reality based human and physical limitations.

The sad thing about that is that when you do have a less than smart person starting to duplicate some of these things, people get hurt. Not in the positive, oh ouch that hurts but don’t stop way, but as in oh my God I need a doctor now right before they get rushed to the hospital with major harm inflicted to their body and psyche.

Let me give you an example of something I actually had to stop in the process in real life before.

A woman had her nipples pierced freshly about 1 1/2 weeks before. Her “Master” decided that was plenty of time to string up her nipples via the rings and try to do a semi suspension on it. Gratefully I knew about the fresh piercing and saw him starting to tie the rope to the suspension mechanism. I was about 5 seconds short of wanting to beat the crap out of him. When I told him to stop this immediately and that he would have torn her nipples if not inflict further damage, he looked at me blankly and told me that I was too soft. Afterall he had read it in books and seen it in movies. He had given  her enough time to heal and was generous with that to begin with.

At that point I slapped him. Yes I know that was wrong, but I wasn’t going to control my fury. This person had no right to call himself a Master or anything of that kind. He was an idiot who needed to be locked up. See that is just one of the examples of moron behavior when someone doesn’t know the difference between fantasy and reality.

Piercings don’t fully heal in 1 1/2 weeks and you never start playing with them via a semi or full suspension. Once they are fully healed you can try to tuck on them to see if there is any over the top sensitivity to them. If that goes ok you can try to add some weights. Semi or full suspensions shouldn’t  be done until at least several months ( better even wait a full year if you want to be fully safe) have passed and you never just hang anyone up by their nipples for heaven’s sake. They can’t support the weight of a full body! There is always extra rigging involved.

Ruination in the financial fetish area is another one of those lovely little fantasies that seem really great in the “thinking about it only” arena. Sure they are a hot fantasy for some, but the reality looks a lot different and should never be attempted by anyone. Ruination means you lose everything. Your home, your savings, your car, your survival essentially. If a Mistress decides to take you to full ruination because your stupid ass has pushed for it you will be lucky if you live in a studio apartment and have Ramen Noodles for Dinner every night and will be barely able to pay your bills. Still sounds hot? To some it will and they think they could handle it. Trust me it isn’t hot when you have to live like that. Not after the first week at least. There is sacrifice and living on a budget so you can worship your Mistress to the best of your abilities and then there is taking your own survival to such a minimum that you are not longer able to properly function.

Trampling if not done properly and by someone who is educated about the human body and what it can take, can cause harm as well.

The point is fantasy is  no holds barred, while reality and actually doing requires for you to gain some knowledge first and educate yourself about the potential dangers so you don’t cause harm to the person you as the Master /Mistress make yourself responsible for.

By the way – yes – you are making yourself responsible for their physical, emotional and mental welfare if you are taking them on as your slave. Which is another reason why you always find out about physical, emotional or mental handicaps they may have as well as their personal limits and experience level first. You never start of hard and heavy, even as a Pro-Domme you still keep some basics in mind.

That however doesn’t excuse the submissive or slave from taking some responsibility in gathering information and knowledge first either. Matter of fact I would say it is paramount you do since it is YOUR BODY that is being put at risk.

There may be that old saying: “The Master / Mistress is always right and you must obey without question!” The truth is that this statement is utter BS and the Master or Mistress can make just as many mistakes as the slave can. Why? Because they are human beings and don’t know everything either. None of us come out of the womb with the knowledge. We have to learn, be trained and educated by those who already know in practice not in theory.

That too is a fantasy as well. The Master or Mistress is never above questioning and any one who takes offense at that needs to really return to school or maybe should switch sides for a little while. The difference is in how you question and if you are just being stubborn or if you have a legit reason to question. If you do have  a legit reason, you should have valid points to back it up. In that case, as long as you were polite about it, it should simply result in your Master or Mistress taking a step back and considering your words. You are still serving him/her by imparting some knowledge or warning they may have overlooked. BDSM and Fetish is a constant learning process and must be rooted in open communication, honesty at all times and trust. Trust also includes that you can trust your Master or Mistress not to fly off the handle if you question them about something that concerns your safety!

If you are ever planning on actually living your fantasy life, it is important to get educated via reputable sources first and be extremely selective in whom you play with. That goes for both sides as always.

The irony is that even so we are interacting from the too opposite sides of the lifestyle, the rules remain the same for both sides. They are simply implemented differently. When it comes to being safe and sane in your play there is no such thing as a superior or inferior. They both must be equally aware and willing to the take the necessary steps to assure this.

Now go forth and play safely my friends!