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Mistress how do I break my desire to be a cuckold to my wife?
I received a little email from one of the aspiring little cuckolds the other day in my inbox with the Title of this blog as a question. Apparently he has been married to his lovely wife for over 10 years now and finds his fantasy of becoming her fulltime cucked husband rather overwhelming.
His darling wife has no idea that her husband now fantasizes constantly about no longer being allowed to stick his ever increasingly limb cock into her cunt, but would rather be “forced” to get her ready for dates with a hot young stud with a huge cock. Someone who can please her and give her the fucking she deserves. The last in his own words! I guess the “problem” as he calls it is that his wife is a very straight laced and devoted wife who never even seems to look at another man. I know, there are a lot of you guys out there right now who are drooling at the thought of having one of those deeply devoted women to call their own, but in his case it is posing a real big problem.
He loves her deeply and doesn’t want to give her the wrong impression. He doesn’t want to lose her either over this since she is truly the Queen of his heart. He simply can’t even get aroused with regular sex with her anymore and well to be frank he is getting up their in age a wee bit too. I know there are several of you want to be cuckolds out there who are facing the same worries and that is the reason I decided to answer this question in public for him.
Dear cuck want to be!
The first thing you need to do is be extremely certain of this being something you really want and that it is not just a passing fantasy desire you are currently harboring. You are going to have to really stick your neck out on this one and depending on the level of “straight lacedness” of your wife you might have to be very careful and patient with this as well.
As you stated to me in your email you do not want to hurt her feelings nor do you want to end up losing her to another man. That of course is the risk you will have to be aware of taking. I warned men over and over again that if you react even remotely jealous and ever throw this in her face once you get your wish, she will walk out on you! Remember you are essentially teaching her that there are many other men out there who still find her more than just a little bit attractive and you are giving her into the hands of a man who can please her sexually in ways you no longer are able to.
I would suggest you get her used to the idea of you wanting to be see her happy and well sexually taken care of by a big cock stud first. If she is open to watching pornography with you, you might start looking for porn movies where cuckoldry is the main theme of the movie. I always tell the guys to find a movie in which the woman being the cuckoldress reminds you in look, body build and age of their wife. This will help her and you to form the visual connection between what is going on in the movie and her.
Play with her while the action is going on. Go down on her and pleasure her with your mouth only. Remember that once you get your wish that will be the most you may be allowed to do in the long run and that only if you are lucky. A full blown cuckold no longer gets to have sexual intercourse with his wife, but at best becomes her little washcloth after she is filled with the studs cum.
Make sure she is really paying attention to the action on the screen while you are serving her in that way. Make sure you do not interrupt her pleasure in any way. That is another thing you need to do with a woman like her. You need to teach her to become very selfish in the sexual department and that her needs are no longer pivoting around your needs.
Once she has cum several times you may hold her and whisper to her just how turned on you are thinking that would be her in the movie and how much you would love to see her this well pleased. Remember a little difference between you men and us women. We don’t turn off just because we already came. If you keep us aroused we can go for hours upon hours and cum over and over again. A skillful lover knows this and knows how to keep the arousal going. During sex and foreplay a woman is a lot more open to new ideas if you know how to present it in the right way.
Perhaps you can comment on the guys big cock and how much the woman seems to enjoy being stretched by this. You may even make a connection between him and yourself as in. “Oh darling look at that big cock. Wouldn’t that feel so much better than my little half limb cock inside your beautiful cunt? You deserve to be fucked like that. I would would be so happy to get you ready for a big cocked stud like him!”
Now of course she might tell you that you have nothing to worry about and that she loves you. A woman who loves her husband will make sure that his feelings are not hurt. Go easy, go slow and plant the seed. If she seems to get too uncomfortable with this pillow talk let it drop and just continue to pleasure her without taking anything for yourself. If she tries to give you pleasure tell her that “No today is all about you my darling!” or something along those lines.
Wait a few days and go buy a couple of life like dildos in a bigger than your cock size. I always suggest to go with a 8 or 9 inch rubber cock with balls instead of one of those super sized over the top 14 inch slongs. You have to keep in mind that most men out there are not going to be that huge, but there are plenty of men out there who are well endowed at 8 or 9 inches. That is not that hard to find and in the end those are the ones you want for your darling future cuckoldress.
Something that can fuck her good and not hurt her in the process. Very few women can comfortably take a 12 inch cock without getting too raw from it. Remember it has to be pleasurable for her all the way around.
Once you have purchased the rubber cocks use them on her next time. Again while watching a nice cuckold movie with a hung stud pleasing the wife of a little cuckold. Make sure you try to time the fucking just right with “your wife” being used by this hot younger stud muffin. YOu want to get her thinking about it and maybe even fantasizing about it on her own. Do this a few times and get her used to the much bigger and more pleasurable experience of being fucked by a nice big hard cock. Remember the point is for her to make the connection between her being with other men and taking what she wants and not feeling guilty about it.
Now comes the trickiest part of all. Once she is used to it and is already starting to show signs of no longer being able to really climax with your insignificant dick but rather reaching for the toys it is your duty as the loving little cuckold to find a clean, disease free big cocked lover for her and introduce her to him in a casual setting. That may take a little doing but you can manage it.
Go out with her and buy her a special hot outfit just for that night and compliment her a lot along the line of “You are going to turn so many heads in this outfit” or “I bet you are going to make many guys so hot and horny for you looking like this, I would love to see you tease them a little bit!”
This just gave her permission to be a big old flirt, but the real goal of course is to have her do a lot more than just tease. Now it is time for you to introduce the stud you have found for her. Make sure he pays a lot of attention to her. Make sure she sees his big hard cock and even point it out in a whisper to her that his cock is as big or even bigger than her toys. Make her make the connection. Have him brush up against her, maybe slow dance with her so she can really feel this hard cock. Encourage her to “play” with him a little bit. If she seems responsive invite him to your home and find an excuse to put her favorite cuckold movie in.
From there you must find a way to leave the room and leave them together. Trust in the stud to know how to take it from there and if you prepared her well up to this point Mother Nature will take over. Give them enough time to fuck and for him to please her. Do not interrupt, but only listen at the door. If she seems uncomfortable with the idea of being left alone you may “confess” that you can no longer please your hot wife to him and how much she deserves to be pleased by a big hard cock. That you know would love to see her happy and well fucked again.
NO matter what you do you need to find a nice line between letting her know it is ok to take her pleasure on studs and no longer on you, and making it all about her. There is a line between being a cuckold (it is all about her) and whoring a woman out (it is for your entertainment). You are the first. You no longer matter and your only purpose is to see her happy.
If everything goes well make sure you reconnect with her in the only way you are now allowed to and that is by kneeling between her legs and cleaning her out lovingly with your tongue. Licking her clean and inhaling her musky smell now. Make sure her new lover is not just running off right after but stays around to hold, hug and kiss her. Hopefully he can get hard again and fuck her over and over.
If all this works out well you should be able to talk the next day about how much seeing her like this turned you on and bring up the idea of this becoming your new lifestyle. Have her read a few stories and articles about cuckoldry and if you need to you may even invite her to call me for a fetish counseling session.
Again I want to remind you that this all sounds super easy but must be done slowly and with care. Once she gets a good taste of what it feels like to be loved and still taken care of by you in any other department but sexual, she will certainly entertain and maybe even feel the need to become your very well fucked cuckoldress.
Best of luck little cuckold want to be.
Goddess Bella Donna
Fantasy vs Reality – It is always important to know the difference!
Most of us get attracted to a particular fetish or BDSM via something that has aroused them and sparked their interest and it usually quickly develops into a large collection of fantasy based knowledge about it. Why fantasy based knowledge? Because that is what is mostly available to you on the internet, in Porn Movies, books etc. That is where most of you get your start at and boy isn’t it ever so exciting.
The problem with that arises when you are trying to go about duplicating some of the things you read and see. For some reason people don’t seem to realize that a lot of the porn is staged and illusionary. A lot of the fictional stories written are no holds barred and do not involve any sort of reality based human and physical limitations.
The sad thing about that is that when you do have a less than smart person starting to duplicate some of these things, people get hurt. Not in the positive, oh ouch that hurts but don’t stop way, but as in oh my God I need a doctor now right before they get rushed to the hospital with major harm inflicted to their body and psyche.
Let me give you an example of something I actually had to stop in the process in real life before.
A woman had her nipples pierced freshly about 1 1/2 weeks before. Her “Master” decided that was plenty of time to string up her nipples via the rings and try to do a semi suspension on it. Gratefully I knew about the fresh piercing and saw him starting to tie the rope to the suspension mechanism. I was about 5 seconds short of wanting to beat the crap out of him. When I told him to stop this immediately and that he would have torn her nipples if not inflict further damage, he looked at me blankly and told me that I was too soft. Afterall he had read it in books and seen it in movies. He had given her enough time to heal and was generous with that to begin with.
At that point I slapped him. Yes I know that was wrong, but I wasn’t going to control my fury. This person had no right to call himself a Master or anything of that kind. He was an idiot who needed to be locked up. See that is just one of the examples of moron behavior when someone doesn’t know the difference between fantasy and reality.
Piercings don’t fully heal in 1 1/2 weeks and you never start playing with them via a semi or full suspension. Once they are fully healed you can try to tuck on them to see if there is any over the top sensitivity to them. If that goes ok you can try to add some weights. Semi or full suspensions shouldn’t be done until at least several months ( better even wait a full year if you want to be fully safe) have passed and you never just hang anyone up by their nipples for heaven’s sake. They can’t support the weight of a full body! There is always extra rigging involved.
Ruination in the financial fetish area is another one of those lovely little fantasies that seem really great in the “thinking about it only” arena. Sure they are a hot fantasy for some, but the reality looks a lot different and should never be attempted by anyone. Ruination means you lose everything. Your home, your savings, your car, your survival essentially. If a Mistress decides to take you to full ruination because your stupid ass has pushed for it you will be lucky if you live in a studio apartment and have Ramen Noodles for Dinner every night and will be barely able to pay your bills. Still sounds hot? To some it will and they think they could handle it. Trust me it isn’t hot when you have to live like that. Not after the first week at least. There is sacrifice and living on a budget so you can worship your Mistress to the best of your abilities and then there is taking your own survival to such a minimum that you are not longer able to properly function.
Trampling if not done properly and by someone who is educated about the human body and what it can take, can cause harm as well.
The point is fantasy is no holds barred, while reality and actually doing requires for you to gain some knowledge first and educate yourself about the potential dangers so you don’t cause harm to the person you as the Master /Mistress make yourself responsible for.
By the way – yes – you are making yourself responsible for their physical, emotional and mental welfare if you are taking them on as your slave. Which is another reason why you always find out about physical, emotional or mental handicaps they may have as well as their personal limits and experience level first. You never start of hard and heavy, even as a Pro-Domme you still keep some basics in mind.
That however doesn’t excuse the submissive or slave from taking some responsibility in gathering information and knowledge first either. Matter of fact I would say it is paramount you do since it is YOUR BODY that is being put at risk.
There may be that old saying: “The Master / Mistress is always right and you must obey without question!” The truth is that this statement is utter BS and the Master or Mistress can make just as many mistakes as the slave can. Why? Because they are human beings and don’t know everything either. None of us come out of the womb with the knowledge. We have to learn, be trained and educated by those who already know in practice not in theory.
That too is a fantasy as well. The Master or Mistress is never above questioning and any one who takes offense at that needs to really return to school or maybe should switch sides for a little while. The difference is in how you question and if you are just being stubborn or if you have a legit reason to question. If you do have a legit reason, you should have valid points to back it up. In that case, as long as you were polite about it, it should simply result in your Master or Mistress taking a step back and considering your words. You are still serving him/her by imparting some knowledge or warning they may have overlooked. BDSM and Fetish is a constant learning process and must be rooted in open communication, honesty at all times and trust. Trust also includes that you can trust your Master or Mistress not to fly off the handle if you question them about something that concerns your safety!
If you are ever planning on actually living your fantasy life, it is important to get educated via reputable sources first and be extremely selective in whom you play with. That goes for both sides as always.
The irony is that even so we are interacting from the too opposite sides of the lifestyle, the rules remain the same for both sides. They are simply implemented differently. When it comes to being safe and sane in your play there is no such thing as a superior or inferior. They both must be equally aware and willing to the take the necessary steps to assure this.
Now go forth and play safely my friends!
Dating for fetish and BDSM Lifestylers – How important is honesty when dating?
This is a question I hear a lot actually when speaking to folks involved in the different fetishes as well as BDSM.
”I have been dating this man/woman for a while now and I think it might be getting serious. Do I have to tell them about my fetish / BDSM interest Goddess?”
Do you have to tell them? No, you never have to tell anyone anything if you don’t want to, but you SHOULD tell them. It is never a good idea in the long run to hide something which is part of you from somebody you think you might spend the rest of your life with. Even if you don’t plan on getting married but become domestic partners it is better for both of you if they know up front about your fetish or BDSM interest. Someone who is deeply involved in their fetish and not just a fleeting little spark in it, will eventually feel the overwhelming need to seek the fetish activity out. This means you are now either going to have to confess it later on and in that case your partner will feel betrayed and rightfully so. The other option of course is that you go behind their back to someone else and in that case you are committing emotional cheating if you start attaching to someone else. Yes dears there is such a thing as EMOTIONAL CHEATING and it may never get physical, but your heart is engaged which is just as painful if not more so if your partner finds out. Of course you can try to live without which will end up resulting in you being miserable.
As you can see, none of those options are good ones. It is a lot better to have an honest talk with the potential partner in the beginning of the relationship and give them the option to continue and perhaps even participate or to leave. It is painful yes when someone rejects you because of a fetish or your need for being part of the BDSM lifestyle, but not half as painful as when this happens many years in and you have already established a deep bond.
If you do decide to tell them in the beginning and I would say that should be as soon as you realize this may turn into something serious. Be smart about how you do it. Don’t be defensive or behave as if you are about to tell them you are an Axe Murderer. The attitude you portray during your talk can often make a huge difference in how it is perceived by the person you speak to. I have seen it over and over and really wanted to smack the person doing it. If you tell someone about your fetish or BDSM Lifestyle need and act as if it is disgusting and something to be ashamed off the other person is going to pick up on that and of course reject you. If you feel it as something bad, how can the other person see it as something positive? Think about that for a second!
Even if your fetish is “humiliation based”, this is not the time to try to live it out. This is the time to simply let the other person know about it and give them the opportunity to ask you legit questions. Your job is to open the communication up about it and be vulnerable. Yes, that is scary, but if you are accepted and it will all have been worth it in the end.
I had a sissy gurl talk to me about this recently and ask me how she should share this with the woman she had been seeing for about 2 weeks now. She really enjoyed the Ladys company and thought just maybe this could turn into something special. Now she was afraid since being a sissy gurl was so much a part of her that she didn’t think she could be happy giving it up.
I told her that it would be best if she did this in a private and comfortable setting. Maybe invite the Lady over to her home (if she is a real sissy there would be a lot of feminine touches in her environment) and cook her a nice home cooked meal. A lot of Sissy gurls are actually very good cooks. A perk which she can stress. I told her to have the table set up nicely with the flowers, candles, fine china etc. Really let her Sissy flow for all of this.
During the serving of the meal behave in your sissy ways without being dressed the part. A smart woman will pick up that there is something a little off on the guys behavior and slowly start being ready for something to come. Enjoy the meal with her, serve some coffee (stay away from the alcohol until after your conversation you really want her to be sober for this) and seat her in a comfortable chair or couch. This is the time you gently tell her.
Don’t make it sound dirty, it isn’t. It is naughty, not disgusting! Explain it to her like you would explain it to your best friend or sister. With other words non-sexual. If she hasn’t gotten up and ran out of the house screaming by than ask her if you could show her what you mean. If she agrees to it, excuse yourself and get dressed. Please for heaven’s sake this is not the time for the little red teddy or slut whore outfit. Wear something nice, something special. Remember she is your guest of honor. Now head high darlings and step out of the shadows. Let her take it in slowly. If you have done this for a while you should know how to present yourself in a good light and it should be looking good.
Sit down close enough to her to reach out if she wants to, but not on top of her. Let her make that decision. Explain to her to that you value her too much to hide this side of yourself from her and you wanted to give her a fair chance to make a decision if she can live with this or not. Now think benefits for a second. Her benefits and explain them to her.
Here is one a lot of you overlook. Even so you are a sissy gurl you still have enough male in you to do all those manly things around the house like repairs etc. You are still protective over her and actually most sissy gurls are extremely protective over the ones they love because they have both the male and female aspects to them. You also love to do all those things that men usually hate like going shopping for clothing, make up, going to the hair and nail salon and watching mushy chick flicks. So in many ways you are the best of both worlds.
In you she can find a man and a girlfriend all in one. If she can accept that you have the battle won and now it is up to you to slowly introduce her into your world. Let her get used to it. Remember this can be a bit shocking at first so take it easy. If you are going to have a healthy sexual relationship with each other realize that she needs to get used to you being in lingerie while making love to you, but you be surprised how many women can take to this if you know how to make it fun for them too. Afterall that is what love making is always supposed to be….fun for both.
So don’t be afraid. The worst they can do is reject you and it is always a lot better after a few days of being together than after years with someone. Give both of you an honest chance at happiness and start your relationship off right with a clean slate you both can build on together.
Good luck dears.
Goddess Bella Donna
Financial slave seeks advice about ending service to his Money Mistress!
Financial Domination is one of those fetishes which is often misunderstood and sadly can leave a really bad taste in someones mouth if they encounter a situation as the following cashpet finds himself in. I have received this request for advice today and thought it important to share here, since this is more frequent than many can imagine. I have of course edited the gentleman’s name out to give him privacy and to assure that he will not have any further problems with the Mistress in question. I hope my response and advice I gave to him will help others who find them-selves in the same situation.
dear goddesssbelladonna.
> > i am in a situation with a finanical domme, where i pay her regular payments each week and also extras for whatever she asks of me, ie photos, videos, or if she wants to go shopping etc. nothing was signed, but i did agree in an email that i would pay her this money, and that if i wanted to end out agreement i would pay her on thousand pounds, although she did say she might make it more if she wishes to.
> > the agreement was to pay her most of my weekly wage, which i have been doing, but i have since become ill, and am in and out of hospital at the moment. i am also now not working because of my health. she knows this, but insists that i still pay her. she has lowered it slightly, but i am basically still paying a lot of money each week out of my savings. not only am i running out of money, it is also affecting my health due to the worry. i want to end the relationship but im afraid she might get nasty. she has already threatened to post naked photos of me to people in my street etc to teach me a lesson, also to post videos that she made me do online for everyone to see, ie blackmail unless i do what she wants.
> > is it best if i simply pay her off and hope she accepts the one thousand pounds? i cant really afford it, as it will clear out all my savings, but if i leave it any longer it might get worse as im still paying her a weekly wage when im not earning. i do have photos and videos of her, but i dont want to threaten her with exposing theses (i would never do that) because instead of backing off i think she may get nasty. its such a mess and im so stressed out by it all. if i was well and could work then it would be fine, but i feel that although ive explained about my ill health she still demands that i pay her using my savings.
> > sorry for taking up so much of your time. i really hope you can give me some advice as its destroying my life when i should be concentrating on getting better. mr pXXXXXX
As you can see he finds himself in a very bad situation and has continued to try to serve her as best he can for as long as he was able to. Now the situation however has escalated to a point where he is no longer able to continue. The following was my response to this sad little cash pet.
Dear PXXXXX
Here is the way I am seeing it. You did send her the email agreeing to this which means you in a way gave her something akeen to a contract. Your written agreement does constitute this. That said your circumstances have drastically changed from the way I am understanding this and unless you have at any time agreed to consensual blackmail (even during an email exchange or a messenger exchange) in case of your inability or willingness to obey her demands she is within danger of conducting a highly illegal activity – real blackmail by threatening to post nude photos of you.
Personally I find her conduct highly unethical if you have made your situation perfectly clear to her and have send her proof of your situation and I would advise you to make it very clear to her that you are no longer able and willing to continue being her paypet until you are once again healthy and working so you have a reliable income. Keep it polite of course, you did enjoy serving her I am assuming and she did give you the attention you wished for. So no reason to become nasty on your part either. If you have not shown her legit documentation of your job loss or health problems, she may think that you are just like hundreds of others who are using an excuse to get out of something they were not prepared to follow through. IN that case I would suggest you do show her the documents you should have handy.
If like I said you DID NOT agree in any way or shape to consensual blackmail with her, I would make it very clear in this message to her that you consider her threats of exposure should you try to leave her service to be extremely distasteful and will seek legal actions against her if she follows through with those threats. This hopefully will give her some pause at least.
Now since you did agree to the buy out I am sad to inform you that you will need to follow through on this promise. Just as you wouldn’t want her to be unethical in her behavior neither should you be. Think about it this way so. Whatever the amount may be she has reduced it to (which she didn’t have to by the way), it will end up being a lot cheaper than if you continue to have to pay out regular fees plus extras.
I wish you a speedy recovery and hope that you will be more careful in the future.
Happy holidays to you and yours.
Goddess Bella Donna
At this point I would like to go a little further to assure that you understand completely what you are facing in these sort of situations.
#1 If you at any time during your conversations either via phone, email exchanges, messenger chats etc mentioned or brought up that you are interested in consensual blackmail and that this is one of your fantasies, a Mistress can very easily misunderstand this as one of those situations in which you would like to have the element of consensual blackmail introduced into your relationship. This however does not mean that she should continue once you make it very clear to her that this not the case and ask her to let you out of your agreement or contract.
#2 Do not confuse punishment which may make you fear as in using your real first name which really does not give any information about who you are since first names are thousand times the same for different people and blackmail tactics in which she threatens to post explicit full body shots which could identify you easily should the wrong person happen on them. Where the first one will hold no consequences at all since who would know she is speaking about you instead about someone else with the same first name, the second is a guaranteed way of identifying you and hence is extremely dangerous to you. This is not something that should ever be done outside of a contract and with previous agreement on both sides. By this I mean a written and signed consensual blackmail contract. Anything outside of such a contract is now an act of illegal means meaning actual blackmail as laid out by the law and can be prosecuted to the fullest extent of said laws.
#3 As a financial slave you need to be aware that anytime you hold any written conversations with your Mistress and give her an agreement to pay a “dismissal charge” or “buy out” payment, you are holden to this agreement. Regardless if you have signed a contract or not, a written agreement is just as binding. If for no other reason than to be honorable you must follow through with the agreement you have given in order to break your service with her. If you fail to do so you can expect retribution from her which should not include blackmail, but can easily ruin any chances for any further service with anyone else once you decide you want to serve someone again in the future. Remember that we Mistresses do speak to one another and hearing that a submissive has just skipped on an agreement will close the doors of any reputable Lady to you.
#4 Do not drag service out when you really can no longer afford to do so. In the case of this poor cash pet he lost his job and was in and out of the hospital. Both are things which are legit reasons to discontinue your service since you now longer can provide even for yourself in a reliable fashion. Of course you should provide proof to your Mistress of this as in documentation showing her that this is in deed a real situation and not just some excuse you made up. You must understand that just as there are bad apples among Mistresses there are just as many bad apples among guys, most of the time even more so. It is a lot better to pay your “buy out” and get back on your feet and healthy and than asking if you may return to service after you are all set up again. If you have done it the honorable way you are pretty much assured she will take you back at a later point.
#5 Trust is one of the biggest corner stones in any D/s relationship. It doesn’t matter if is is fetish based, BDSM based, real time or online. When trust is broken it can never be fully restored. In the case of this cash pet I would strongly advice him against returning to this Lady when he can since he has already found out that she is not to be trusted in the long run. That of course is assuming he gave me all honest details and did not try to paint her in a bad light.
I hope this has helped you out a little bit and I would urge you to think before jumping in and out of any D/s relationship without researching the person you are planning on forming such long standing relationships with. No matter which side of the fetish you are on, honor and honesty are always the two most important factors and you can not afford to be any other way.
Goddess Bella Donna