Fetish Counseling by Goddess Bella Donna

This is a question I hear a lot actually when speaking to folks involved in the different fetishes as well as BDSM.

 ”I have been dating this man/woman for a while now and I think it might be getting serious. Do I have to tell them about my fetish / BDSM interest Goddess?”

Do you have to tell them? No, you never have to tell anyone anything if you don’t want to, but you SHOULD tell them. It is never a good idea in the long run to hide something which is part of you from somebody you think you might spend the rest of your life with. Even if you don’t plan on getting married but become domestic partners it is better for both of you if they know up front about your fetish or BDSM interest. Someone who is deeply involved in their fetish and not just a fleeting little spark in it, will eventually feel the overwhelming need to seek the fetish activity out. This means you are now either going to have to confess it later on and in that case your partner will feel betrayed and rightfully so. The other option of course is that you go behind their back to someone else and in that case you are committing emotional cheating if you start attaching to someone else. Yes dears there is such a thing as EMOTIONAL CHEATING and it may never get physical, but your heart is engaged which is just as painful if not more so if your partner finds out. Of course you can try to live without which will end up resulting in you being miserable.

As you can see, none of those options are good ones. It is a lot better to have an honest talk with the potential partner in the beginning of the relationship and give them the option to continue and perhaps even participate or to leave. It is painful yes when someone rejects you because of a fetish or your need for being part of the BDSM lifestyle, but not half as painful as when this happens many years in and you have already established a deep bond.

If you do decide to tell them in the beginning and I would say that should be as soon as you realize this may turn into something serious. Be smart about how you do it. Don’t be defensive or behave as if you are about to tell them you are an Axe Murderer. The attitude you portray during your talk can often make a huge difference in how it is perceived by the person you speak to. I have seen it over and over and really wanted to smack the person doing it. If you tell someone about your fetish or BDSM Lifestyle need and act as if it is disgusting and something to be ashamed off the other person is going to pick up on that and of course reject you. If you feel it as something bad, how can the other person see it as something positive? Think about that for a second!

Even if your fetish is “humiliation based”, this is not the time to try to live it out. This is the time to simply let the other person know about it and give them the opportunity to ask you legit questions. Your job is to open the communication up about it and be vulnerable. Yes, that is scary, but if you are accepted and it will all have been worth it in the end.

I had a sissy gurl talk to me about this recently and ask me how she should share this with the woman she had been seeing for about 2 weeks now. She really enjoyed the Ladys company and thought just maybe this could turn into something special. Now she was afraid since being a sissy gurl was so much a part of her that she didn’t think she could be happy giving it up.

I told her that it would be best if she did this in a private and comfortable setting. Maybe invite the Lady over to her home (if she is a real sissy there would be a lot of feminine touches in her environment) and cook her a nice home cooked meal. A lot of Sissy gurls are actually very good cooks. A perk which she can stress. I told her to have the table set up nicely with the flowers, candles, fine china etc. Really let her Sissy flow for all of this.

During the serving of the meal behave in your sissy ways without being dressed the part. A smart woman will pick up that there is something a little off on the guys behavior and slowly start being ready for something to come. Enjoy the meal with her, serve some coffee (stay away from the alcohol until after your conversation you really want her to be sober for this) and seat her in a comfortable chair or couch. This is the time you gently tell her.

Don’t make it sound dirty, it isn’t. It is naughty, not disgusting! Explain it to her like you would explain it to your best friend or sister. With other words non-sexual. If she hasn’t gotten up and ran out of the house screaming by than ask her if you could show her what you mean. If she agrees to it, excuse yourself and get dressed. Please for heaven’s sake this is not the time for the little red teddy or slut whore outfit. Wear something nice, something special. Remember she is your guest of honor. Now head high darlings and step out of the shadows. Let her take it in slowly. If you have done this for a while you should know how to present yourself in a good light and it should be looking good.

Sit down close enough to her to reach out if she wants to, but not on top of her. Let her make that decision. Explain to her to that you value her too much to hide this side of yourself from her and you wanted to give her a fair chance to make a decision if she can live with this or not. Now think benefits for a second. Her benefits and explain them to her.

Here is one a lot of you overlook. Even so you are a sissy gurl you still have enough male in you to do all those manly things around the house like repairs etc. You are still protective over her and actually most sissy gurls are extremely protective over the ones they love because they have both the male and female aspects to them. You also love to do all those things that men usually hate like going shopping for clothing, make up, going to the hair and nail salon and watching mushy chick flicks. So in many ways you are the best of both worlds.

In you she can find a man and a girlfriend all in one. If she can accept that you have the battle won and now it is up to you to slowly introduce her into your world. Let her get used to it. Remember this can be a bit shocking at first so take it easy. If you are going to have a healthy sexual relationship with each other realize that she needs to get used to you being in lingerie while making love to you, but you be surprised how many women can take to this if you know how to make it fun for them too. Afterall that is what love making is always supposed to be….fun for both.

So don’t be afraid. The worst they can do is reject you and it is always a lot better  after a few days of being together than after years with someone. Give both of you an honest chance at happiness and start your relationship off right with a clean slate you both can build on together.

Good luck dears.

Goddess Bella Donna